Could an Elder Care Mediator Help Your Family?

When I told a friend that I am interested in the field of elder care mediation, she responded, "I may need the help of a mediator in about fifteen years."

"Why?" I asked.

"I don't want the same thing to happen to my siblings that happened to my mom's siblings."

"What happened?"

"My mom has one brother and one sister. When their mom, my grandmother, died, she left the house to my mom's sister. My mom's brother was furious. The three of them tried to work through it, but they couldn't. For the last fifteen years, there have been no family parties, no family reunions, no family gatherings. I haven't seen my aunt or uncle or their families since my grandma's funeral."

She then told me that she is the oldest child in her family, and she has 7 siblings. She's determined that when her parents die, it won't be the end of the good relationships that they share. As executor, she'll call in a mediator, if necessary, to help them work through the difficult issues that frequently arise once parents are gone and assets need to be divided.

NPR recently broadcast a story called "Mediators Help Families With Tough Choices of Aging." If you want to learn how a mediator may be able to help your family grapple with tough inheritance, estate planning and elder care issues, you may want to read it.

A Memorable Monday

Last Monday night was one of the most memorable of the entire year. My three teenage daughters and I loaded my 8-foot-long whiteboard, adjustable stool, reflector, tripod, camera, and light meter into the Expedition and headed one hour north. Our mission: to take pictures of Marian and her family.

Marian is a Native American. She was 63-years-old when she started working for us. I was 7 months pregnant with twins at the time, and she came each weekday afternoon to care for my four children ages 2, 4, 6, and 8 while I rested. When the twins arrived, she was the first person outside of family to welcome them. She was jubilant that day in my hospital room. During the next year and a half, she came each week day to help me with my busy brood. I will be forever grateful for her help.

My twins are nearly 16 now. Can Marian really be 78-years-old? She doesn't look it. Yet life has not been easy for her. Her daughter, the recipient of a heart transplant a decade earlier, died unexpectedly a few years ago. Her husband, Ray, is struggling with terminal cancer.* Yet in spite of life's challenges, she has not lost her zest for life. She just keeps going. Marian is one of my heroes.

*Ray passed away on August 4, 2009.

Finding a Purpose in Life

Ed Kashi. Julie Winokur. Perhaps you know these names. I didn’t. Not until yesterday, when I viewed MSNBC's multimedia masterpiece, Aging in America, for the first time. Kashi is an award-winning photographer whose work has appeared in Time, National Geographic and The New York Times Magazine. Winokur is a reporter. Their collaboration, along with a team of talented producers and directors, produced a captivating picture of “The New World of Growing Older.”

Their message is simple. When older adults stay engaged, when they find purpose in their later years, they thrive. This theme is echoed in a recent article in the journal Psychosomatic Medicine. Neuropsychologist Patricia Boyle and professor Gary Kennedy studied 1,238 older adults. They discovered that when these adults no longer found purpose in their lives, their health declined. When they felt their lives had purpose, however, they lived longer, even if chronic medical conditions and some level of disability made life more difficult.

MSNBC's Aging in America demonstrates the important role purpose plays in the lives of its everyday heroes. Heroes like 89-year-old Walter Burnette, who only spent 30 days in retirement before returning to his job as a heavy equipment operator in a West Virginia quarry. Heroes like Cari Secord, a “Care-A-Vanner” who traveled all over the country in her RV and built homes for Habitat for Humanity. She, along with other like-minded retirees, sold her home and found purpose in building homes for others. Heroes like retired doctor Henry Friedman, who returned to the practice of medicine, this time serving the poor of South Florida out of a MediVan, a mobile clinic.

I hope you’ll take time to watch MSNBC's Aging in America. (Google MSNBC's Aging in America to view.) Then POST A COMMENT below about an inspiring older adult you know who has found a sense of purpose in his or her twilight years.

Calm in Your Heart

Peace.
It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart. (Unknown)